Nurtured Heart Approach Class Flyer

Here's the official flyer for the next Nurtured Heart Approach class.  To read more about the Nurtured Heart Approach, check out my previous post here and here

Families Coping with A Tragedy: A Resource for Parents

We mourn over last Friday's tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary as individuals, as families, and as a nation.  Over the remorse and sadness, there is outrage, anger, and confusion.  Why did this happen?  How did this happen? And while we may never know the answer to these questions, we search for solutions.  More and better mental health services?  Gun control reform?  More security measures in schools?

If my social media friends are any measure of the tone of the rest of our country, many parents struggled to get out of bed this morning, drop their kids off at school, and trust that such tragedies are unlikely to happen to their own kids.  To reassure ourselves, we embrace change in a system that is changeable.  What is wrong with the system that allows such atrocities to happen and what measures can we take to fix those wrongs and prevent such events from re-occurring.

Blaming and changing is a part of the grief process, and it's what allows us to continue to function amidst otherwise unbearable sadness and grief.  We read and watch stories on the media, feel passionate, express our opinions, and hopefully initiate change.  We respect those who are directly suffering loss by fighting to make a difference.  We assure the victims, their families, and ourselves that we are in this together.  We regain a sense of control of our situation.  While we may not all agree on the politics of how to elicit change, we are not willing to accept Newtown Connecticut's tragedy as a normal way of life for citizen's of this country.  This we agree on.

Through this process of grief and change, it is of great importance to Port Townsend Family Therapy to help families of young children who are struggling with how to feel safe again in their communities and how to come to an appropriate amount of understanding over what occurred.  The following resource was supplied through the AAMFT (American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy) by Dr. Karen Ruskin, a Clinical Fellow of the AAMFT, to help parents help their children cope with this tragedy:

1. Answer any and all questions your children have. Nothing is off the table. If you don’t have the answer be honest and tell them you will research the answer and get back to them.
2. Be verbally attentive, physically affectionate, and nurturing in tone during your talk.
3. Talk with not at your children.
4. Discuss and educate them about mental illness.
5. Reassure the low likelihood of this type of tragedy happening to them while balancing validation of the reality that it did and does happen.
6. Ask them what they need to feel safe, and what you can do to help them to feel safe.
7. Balance the worry and pain kids feel with a discussion of what they can do to help those who have been affected, and continue to be supportive of activities they enjoy doing so their entire mind is not on the tragedy 24/7. The balance of living life while mourning is just that- a balance, and yet it is important for children and parents to continue to live knowing that does not disrespect the honor of those who are no longer living among us.
8. Some kids are chattier than others. Don’t assume because there are no questions your children are fine, nor assume because they are talking about it they are not fine. No assumptions, parents. Rather meet your kids on their terms, on their level, and continue to keep the line of communication open. What your children do not wish to discuss one moment in the day they may wish to at a different moment. Check in on them.
9. Normalize what they are feeling, re-assure them that their thoughts and feelings are normal.
10. Display strength and calm, and remember, how you act is a role model for them. How you react affects how they feel and thus act.

 It is important to note that if you are struggling as a parent with finding ways to help your children cope with this tragedy, it may be helpful to seek assistance from a mental health professional in your community.

10 Biggest Marriage Mistakes

I came across this link through the AAMFT (American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy) Facebook page from Amy Morin, LCSW at marriagecounselingblog.com, and it seemed worth sharing.  While every relationship is different and unique, here are some common problem areas that have emerged in one long time counselor's office that seem pretty spot on.

The 10 Biggest Marriage Mistakes Seen in a Counselor's Office

I would probably add to this list the very broad category of health (both physical and mental to include addiction).  Unlike the other very cut and dry areas such as finances and division of labor, health plays a more complicated role as we struggle to find balance in nurturing and being nurtured.  When we're out of balance, we might see anxiety, depression and physical symptoms emerge.  To shamelessly plug marriage counselors, many of these "10" problem areas are often more easily addressed when not in the throes of emotionally charged conflict–e.g. in the company of a counselor or therapist.

More on the Nurtured Heart Approach®

Here's a little follow up to yesterday's post for those who have expressed an interest in learning more.  This information comes from the Children's Success Foundation.

"Originally inspired by intense or difficult children – on the spectrum of Autism, ADD, ADHD, ODD, PTSD, & FAS – NHA is a relational, non-medication path of inspiring inner wealth in all children. It is used with astounding success in schools, social-care systems, & families around the world."   -Children's Success Foundation

What Message Are We Sending Our Kids?

We receive messages from our parents the day we are born.  From the color of our room, to the clothes we wear, to the toys we play with.  "This doll is for girls."  "This game is for boys."  Many of us are accustomed to the idea of these gender messages and how they impact who we become and how we behave, but what messages are we sending that aren't painted on the walls?  "You never listen."  "That wasn't nice."  "How many times do I need to tell you to clean up your toys?"  What we hear as kids from our parents, teachers, and other influential adults just might be shaping how we behave and who we become.  Negative messages may not only impact self-esteem and increase a sense of guilt and shame, but they may also pave a path for our own self-identity.

I recently read Howard Glasser's, All Children Flourishing, and I was struck by both the simplicity of the Nurtured Heart Approach® and the complexity of how children can be shaped by their environment. Glasser describes an approach that highlights the positive and sends a message of "greatness" to the child, and the child in turn begins to tap this under-utilized potential to achieve at a level previously believed to be impossible.  His theory is based on the concept that, at their core, children want and thrive on attention.  Either positive or negative, any attention is better than no attention.  At an early age, children may learn that when they're playing quietly, they're often ignored.  But when they're misbehaving, they hit the jackpot of undivided adult attention.  The more we act out, the greater the reward.  Not only do we learn how to effectively get what we want (i.e. attention), we begin to develop an identity that shapes our future potential.  The behavior becomes an expectation.

The Nurtured Heart Approach® describes a shift in how parents and teachers perceive and react to children.  It describes a proactive positive message that begins with the bar set as low as it needs to be to provide a preemptive strike (catch them being good!).  "I see how you are patiently waiting your turn.  This really shows me how considerate you are of your classmates and how great you are."  It takes the positive message a step further in not just praising good behavior but also describing why the behavior is good and setting up potential for future success with this label of "greatness".  Consequences for breaking established, clear rules also exist but they are done in a way that doesn't energize the behavior.  Glasser makes the parallel to video games–you get the consequence of "messing up" in a game and the game then continues or starts over.  There's no dwelling on it.  It's not emotionally charged in any way.

Overall, it's a well thought out approach that has more complexity than I can describe in this blog (thus a Nurtured Heart Approach® industry of books, trainings, etc.), but you get the idea.  If you're interested in attending a Nurtured Heart Approach® training, the dates for the next class have been set for January 29 and February 5, 12, and 19.  Again, this class will be taught by Kimberly Montgomery through the YMCA.  I'll post more information as it becomes available.

If this idea of how the messages we send our children may impact their future self, another book I'd recommend (not Nurtured Heart Approach®) is Nurture Shock, by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman.  Bronson and Merryman go beyond positive and negative messages and explore how what we believe to be a positive message may in fact have the opposite effect.

Is Facebook Making Breakups Harder?

Breakups aren’t what they used to be–some angry words, a few tears (or lots), and perhaps a slammed door or last embrace depending on your individual style.  We seek solace and comfort in our friends and family and grieve over the loss of a relationship.  The process of bereavement may be not too dissimilar to that of losing a loved one as we cope with the passing of a relationship.  Returning back to or discovering “normal” can be complicated.  For some, it’s a time to return to a life not unlike what was familiar and functional before the start of this most recent relationship, and for others (especially in longer term commitments), it may be a time of exploring and redefining an entirely new way of life–a way that works in the absence of an ex.  Those familiar five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) may play through in part or in entirety over time, and eventually we begin to move on.  From days to months to years, the time it takes to get over a relationship is different for everyone.  But we do it in our own time.  Modern technology and social media, however, may be redefining what "in our own time" looks like.  And is this making breakups harder?

Researchers at Bruneel University in England, studied 464 undergraduates and how they utilized Facebook in their grief process following a breakup (Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, online Oct. 2012).  What they found was that “people who spent the most time on their ex-partner’s Facebook page had more distress, negative feelings and longing for their former flames and lower levels of personal growth (APA Monitor, December 2012).”  Apparently, that same social media magic that reconnects us to long lost friends of our past also keeps us connected (in sometimes unhealthy ways) to those friends we are trying to lose as well.  Do you "unfriend" your ex?

Surviving Thanksgiving

The smell of turkey roasting in the oven, holiday parades, kids laughing, and extended family getting together to rejoice in winter merriment.  If this is your reality of the winter holidays, congratulations you may have figured out a secret that remains elusive for many.  Holidays can be a stressful time, and family fights, resentment, and hurt feelings may be just as common as mashed potatoes and gravy.  Time with family often triggers old patterns, old behaviors, and old fights.  Many of us find ourselves frozen in time, acting like and being treated like the adolescent who left home years ago.  Is it possible to change this pattern, try something new, and experience holidays with a fresh perspective?  Awareness of our family patterns may be the first step to the possibility of a different holiday outcome, and a little strategizing may go a long way.

Here's a link to read what some of the experts say about planning for a happy and healthy holiday season: http://psychcentral.com/thanksgiving/

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy World Run Day

Hope everyone had a great "World Run Day" yesterday!  I can't wait to hear what you did to celebrate.  What?  You've never heard of "world run day"?  Oh.  Okay, me neither until I stumbled across it yesterday while lounging lazily on my couch surfing the internet.



Despite being unaware of the momentous significance of this day, I still managed to muster up enough energy in the blustery early dawn hours to lace up the old shoes, stumble out the door and slog on down the trail for a short lap around our local State Park.  I didn't feel like doing it at the time, but I knew I'd feel better after I did.  And I did.  I've been a runner for as long as I can remember, and I've learned over time that I almost always feel better after a run.  I generally feel happier and have more energy throughout the day.  I tend to stay healthier during cold season than my non-running friends, and I feel proud of my health at 38.  I also know that I'm pretty unpleasant to be around when I don't run.

Do a Google search for "exercise and mental health", and you'll likely find countless article touting the benefits regular exercise has on mental health.  Research has linked regular exercise to enhancing the brain's ability to cope with stress, a powerful treatment for depression, improved sleep, increased self-esteem, and many others.  This of course, is all in addition to the more commonly known positive physical health impacts regular exercise has on decreasing risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and cancer.  So how can you work regular exercise into your daily routine?  Doctors have been trying to get their patients to exercise for years, so why would a therapist have any better luck?

For one, a doctor telling their patient to lose 50 pounds and change their diet to prevent future illness sounds hard.  This sort of commitment takes time, an incredible amount of discipline, and an immediate change in lifestyle.  The gratification is delayed and often seems far away and out of reach.  I'm not saying it's impossible, but for many that don't sense immediate risk, this may feel unattainable.  Exercise for mental health, however, involves instant gratification, and the brain likes instant gratification.  A brisk 5 minute walk can have an immediate impact on mood and self-esteem that lasts for hours.  By focusing on short term goals (i.e. happiness and better sleep), the benefits of exercise feel more within reach.  Here are some ideas for setting yourself up for success:

• Start Small: Take a close look at what you're doing now and make small changes.  A common mistake is to do too much too soon.  Don't do that.  It will hurt, and you'll probably stop.  Effective exercise doesn't mean donning sweatbands and short shorts and huffing and puffing all around town for hours on end or plugging into a treadmill like a hamster on a wheel in front of gym gawkers.  If you typically drive to the mailbox, try walking.  I'm serious, keep it simple.  Consider taking the stairs instead of the elevator.  Park your car at the far end of the parking lot instead instead of the closest space you can find.  Make a change that you can stick to, and add to it when you're ready.  5 minutes feeling easy?  Add another 5 or try jogging for 1 of those 5 minutes.

• Keep it Fun & Make it Social: Keeping it fun is critical.  For me, the times I've been stuck somewhere that my only outlet is on a hotel treadmill, I suffer through my runs.  If this were my daily reality, I would have given up running a long time ago.  Don't take up running if you hate running.  What about biking, walking the dog, swimming, yoga?  Get your friends involved too.  Not only will this make your time exercising more fun, but it will also help you stick to it.  And not to mention having the potential side effect of building stronger, more rewarding relationships.

• Reward Yourself: Try setting a goal that seems hard but within your reach.  For example, if I take the stairs instead of the elevator at work 4 of 5 days a week, I'll treat myself to. . . (insert something not junk food here.)

• Take Note: Keep a journal of what you did and how you feel.  Giving credit where credit is due is an important piece to maintaining healthy behaviors.  A journal can also let you track your progress and provide incentive to keep doing what you're doing.

World running day?  So you missed it.  What are they all running from anyways?  Maybe pogo sticking is more your speed!  Be safe out there.

Fixitol: A New Drug to Fix Everything

Okay, I'll be the first to admit that at first I wasn't sure if this video was serious or a joke.  It turns out that it's serious, and it sends an important message.  This video is a part of an educational campaign sponsored by the APA (American Psychological Association) to address an often misconstrued cultural view of a pill for everything.  It emphasizes the role therapy and hard work play in treating many mental health issues.  This is a much needed campaign for both the general public and health care professionals, and I'll even forgive the message's implied bias towards psychologists (it was produced by the APA after all).  From a previous post I wrote back in September, you'll remember that in Washington State, licensed therapists include not only Psychologists, but also Marriage and Family Therapists, Mental Health Counselors, Clinical Social Workers, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners, and Psychiatrists.



For anyone considering whether seeing a therapist is a fit for for them, here's an article also by the APA  that addresses the myths and realities of therapy.

Nurtured Heart Approach® Class Coming Nov. 6

If you missed the previous post from a few weeks ago announcing the Nurtured Heart Approach® classes coming to the YMCA click here to learn more.   Here's all the information you need to sign up:

Defining Dad

This is a post that for me, an expecting dad within the month, is personal.  When my son was born a little over 4 years ago, I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of support our community of friends and family provided for this significant transition in our lives.  From birthing classes to baby shower, from lactation consultants to meal trains, we felt much love in our time of need.  What I soon discovered, however, was that my needs and my wife's needs were different.

As dads, biology necessitates that we experience pregnancy second hand.  It's both a blessing and a curse.  Our worst hangover, stomach bug, or food poisoning probably doesn't even touch months of morning sickness and exhaustion.  But we'll never know the feeling of those first perceptible flutters of movement in early pregnancy or the uniquely intense bond that only comes from sharing body and nourishment for over 9 months.  Dad's experience of pregnancy and early fatherhood is unavoidably different from mom's; thus, our role as new and expecting dad is going to be different as well.

What is dad's role anyways?  Learning your role as a new dad can be confusing and even stressful, and the micro-cultures in which we live each have uniquely different ideas and pressures on exactly what the modern dad should look like.  Are you the bread winner?  The stay at home dad?  Or do you and your partner share responsibilities equally?  Does your community and social network support the role you fill?  Does your personal definition of success match your new role?  Now that you've taken on this new role of dad, are you still nourishing your role as partner to your significant other?

For many dads, finding answers to these questions is a solo journey.  Support and resources catering to new dads are limited, yet postpartum depression, sleep deprivation, and relational conflict are equally relevant to both mom and dad.  Current research indicates that men may be equally as susceptible to postpartum depression as women, yet it often goes untreated.  This lack of treatment is partly due to a tendency of men being reluctant to talk about their problems and partly due to the limited availability of resources and misdiagnosis.  The fact remains, however, that male postpartum depression can be a major risk factors for failed relationships.

In support of dads, here's an online resource catering to new dads that doesn't  involve talking: postpartummen.com

For those more daring Port Townsend dads willing to talk, share, and lend support, I plan to start a dad support group in our community.  The group will be free and open to soon-to-be dads and dads within their first year of parenthood.  The trick is getting dads to show up.  So. . . dads AND moms, send me an email to craig@ptfamilytherapy.com if you'd like to be notified about the where and when of this group as it materializes.

Are Teen Brains Defective?

For the past several years neuroscience research has presented a growing adolescent brain–a brain not yet fully matured and, therefore, somewhat defective.  The underdeveloped prefrontal cortex (or rational brain) has steered teens toward a proclivity for impulsive high risk behaviors and poor judgement.  Most of us, having been adolescents ourselves, nod in agreement and let out a big sigh of relief that our teenage transgressions are perhaps excusable–a fault of nature–victims of evolution.  It's amazing we've managed to survive as a species!  New research, however, reveals something different–a teen brain with some positive attributes.

B. J. Casey, a neuroscientist at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York, shows evidence that the teenage brain is, in fact, capable of delaying gratification–that it's not as impulsive as once thought.  Read B. J. Casey's interview with NPR here.  Listen to the interview here:




Casey's research presents a brain that, when faced with high potential for reward, is capable of waiting.  In fact, her research might even suggest in some reward based circumstances, the teenage brain may be more capable of waiting than some adult brains.  Casey's research presents parents with something to think about when establishing a system of rewards and consequences.  Is a teenager more likely to make good choices when those choices are reinforced with rewards rather than punishment?  Makes sense to me.

Nurtured Heart Approach®

Nurtured Heart Approach® Training is right around the corner.  When you ask?  That's a really good question that I've been trying to find out.  What I do know is this. . . a class will be taught by Kimberley Montgomery through the Jefferson County YMCA.  It was scheduled to start October 23, but there doesn't seem to be anything about it on the YMCA website.  I talked to Kimberly, and it sounds like it is definitely going to happen, but there is some uncertainty about the start date given there doesn't appear to be any information floating around.

While we get to the bottom of when this amazing resource is going to happen, here's some info about the Nurtured Heart Approach® shared by the Children's Success Foundation:

The Nurtured Heart Approach® is a set of core methodologies originally developed for working with the most difficult children. It has become a powerful way of bringing inner wealth to all children while facilitating parenting and classroom success. It has a proven impact on every child, including those who are challenged behaviorally, socially and academically. The Nurtured Heart Approach has also been shown to create transformative changes in children diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder and other behavioral, emotional and anxiety related symptoms – almost always without the need for long-term mental health treatment. Even children experiencing social cognitive challenges, like Autism and Aspergers greatly benefit from the Approach, reducing the need for traditional mental health and medical interventions.


And here's Howard Glasser himself talking about his development of the Nurtured Heart Approach®

I'll post more information about this training as soon as I know more.

10/19  Here's the latest. . . it looks like the class will start on November 6 and will take place over the course of four sessions (Nov. 6, 13, 27, & Dec 4).  Cost is still unknown.  I'll post the flyer as soon as I get my hands on it.

What Matters Now: Enhancing Positive Emotions During the Grieving Process

I've been doing a fair amount of reading lately on loss and grief and recently came across this article by Camille Wortman, PhD on the This Emotional Life blog.  Wortman steers away from the negative emotions generally accepted with the 5 Stages of Loss and Grief (denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) and draws attention to the positive emotions that often come with loss as well (gratitude, pride, hope, love...) and the importance these positive emotions play in our ability to cope.

What struck me most about this article was the positive reframe Wortman presents, "what matters to me now?"  What mattered before the loss is most likely very different from what matters now, and the process of identifying this shift may provide a renewed sense of purpose and joy.  For example, loss of a spouse may shift focus to being the best parent or grandparent you can be.  Or loss of a loved one may increase your desire to help prevent the same thing from happening to someone else (e.g. Mothers Against Drunk Driving or Team in Training).  Engaging in this new purpose may help increase positive emotions over time and even strengthen family relations.

Check out the full article here for more on increasing positive emotions during the grieving process.

Autumn Mindfulness Retreat

And this is why I think blogs can be such a powerful community resource!  After yesterday's post, a friend brought this mindfulness retreat to my attention.  Contact info is on the flyer.

Remember, if you have a local event, group, or class that you think might be relevant to the Port Townsend Family Therapy Community, please don't hesitate to send the information my way to craig@ptfamilytherapy.com.  This blog is approaching 300 readers and growing.  Thank you everyone for your support.

Mindfulness: A Practice in Decreasing Anxiety

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), anxiety disorders affect 40 million Americans annually.  Serving as an adaptive response to increase the likelihood of survival (i.e. fight or flight), the more we are exposed to anxiety producing situations the more efficient we become in triggering the response.  The brain senses "danger" and makes a calculated but swift chemical dump to prepare the body (through an increase in respiratory rate, heart rate, and blood pressure) to run for or lives or fight to the death.  Our brains may become sensitized to this response early in life through abuse or neglect or later in life through other traumatic situations.  This response is certainly a benefit when being chased by a pit bull but can be a disadvantage when faced with work/school deadlines, family/relationship stress, or financial challenges.  The more the response is triggered, the better we get at it.  Neural pathways adapt in ways not too unlike a well traveled trail.  Anxiety becomes the norm, and it may take great effort to take the "road less traveled."  Depending on the source of the anxiety and the individual's unique biopsychosocial history, treatment may vary but often involves some form of mindfulness practice.

Mindfulness is the practice of being in the present moment.  Removing oneself from influences of perceived stress and cognitive dysfunction and centering thoughts on the here and now.  The most common forms of mindful practice include meditation and breathing exercises but anything that essentially takes you out of your head can be considered mindfulness.  The more we practice it, the better we get.  Remember that well worn trail?  Practicing mindfulness, creates a new path, and the more we do it, the more worn and easier it becomes.  Think of it like learning a musical instrument or practicing a sport.  Really it's the same thing.

I learned one of my favorite mindfulness exercises when working as an environmental educator in Yosemite National Park.  At the time, I didn't really know the term mindfulness, but my goal was the same–have my students be more aware of their surrounding environment.  Here's the activity:

• Pick a comfortable spot (preferably outside)
• Take some time to write, draw, paint, or think the following (this is a great journal activity):
     - 5 things you see
     - 4 things you hear
     - 3 things you smell
     - 2 things you feel
     - 1 thing you know (I chose to avoid taste for fear of my students eating weird stuff)

And that's it.  It simply gets you to focus on what's right in front of you.  And you might be surprised at what you notice that you hadn't before.  Try to make a practice of doing this a few times a day, and you may find you start to get out of your head more easily each time.

World Mental Health Day

Stay tuned I'm bound to come up with something good to blog about...no pressure or anything.  Anxiety anyone?

5 Tools For More Effective Communication

We've all been there before.  Something you say is misunderstood or taken the wrong way and before you know it, you've unintentionally escalated into an argument with little chance of getting away unscathed.  Effective communication is a key ingredient to any successful and happy relationship, but it might be the single most challenging aspect of sharing our lives with another person.

The reasons for why effective communication can be so difficult in so many relationships is complex and different for everyone.  But often, the challenge rests in aligning the words with their intended meaning.  Some couples feel they know each other so well that it's not so much what is said, but what is implied.  While a large part of communication relies on accurately reading nonverbal cues, we sometimes resort to mind reading to fill in the blanks.  I'm personally undecided about whether the ability to mind read would be a super power or a curse, but if you're finding your super power is letting you down, try these techniques to de-escalate your next argument.

• Take Responsibility & Be Direct
Use "I" statements to take ownership over what you're saying and how you're feeling.  An example would be shifting from "You never listen to me" to "I feel like you're not listening to me."  This strategy avoids placing blame and inviting a defensive response by presenting a problem with a possible solution (i.e. exploring the issue of better listening).  Also avoid generalizations like "he never."  Speak directly to the person you're communicating with and stick to the present situation.  Don't dig up past garbage unless you want it to foul up the communication.

• Keep It Brief
Limit your statement to 10-20 words.  More than that and you're bound to let emotion take over and start blaming.  Not only has your partner tuned you out, but they're preparing their defense.

• Mean What You Say
Sarcasm has a place in many relationships, but when emotions are high, say what you mean.  Are your words matching your actions (or nonverbal cues).  "Of course I'm listening to you" as you walk out of the room.

• Actively Listen
Whether or not you agree with what your partner is saying, give them the respect to be heard.  When they're done, repeat what they meant in a few words to make sure you understood them correctly.  This gives both of you the opportunity to clear up any misunderstanding before it becomes something more than it needs to be.

• Know When to Take a Break
Nothing gets resolved when emotions are high.  If you find yourself getting worked up and unable to think clearly, stop, take a break, and excuse yourself from the conversation.  Don't just walk away but tell them, "This is too much for me right now, and I'd like to talk about this later."  Again this keeps the responsibility on you.

I often remind clients that using these tools of effective communication isn't about always agreeing, but rather an opportunity to resolve conflict rationally.  It's also important to acknowledge that not all arguments are about resolving conflict, but I'll save that for another post.

Avoid Winter SADness: Take Action Now

First day of October, and despite the beautiful early fall weather we've been getting in Port Townsend, there's no denying that the days are in fact getting shorter and the sun is weakening.  According to Cliff Mass, a meteorologist at the University of Washington and local celeberity amongst Pacific Northwest weather geeks, it's been a record breaking dry summer.  For those of us more accustomed to rain gear than sunglasses, the change in seasons is a novel and welcome return to hot soups, cozy fires, and passing the time with a good book or movie that we've been putting off.  But for a portion of the population suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), the beginning of fall and early winter may mark the return of the "winter blahs".

Research shows that SAD appears to have a greater rate of occurrence in more northern latitudes (less daylight) and affect younger adults (ages 18-30) with women being more susceptible than men. Symptoms of SAD may include but are not limited to:

• depressed mood
• decreased interest in pleasurable activities
• low energy/fatigue
• diminished ability to think/concentrate
• hypersomnia (oversleeping)
• overeating
• weight gain/craving carbohydrates

Phototherapy is the most common form of treatment for SAD and includes exposure to a bright light that mimics outdoor light.  Recommended time of exposure varies depending on the device but often starts at 30 minutes.  Research for photo therapy is limited, and it is not regulated by the Food & Drug Administration.  To the right is an example of a  commonly used "happy light" available at many retail stores.

In Port Townsend, along with many other northern climes, darkness also coincides with cold, wet weather.  If you experience SAD, it is important to consider differences that exists in your activity level between summer and winter months.  Don't let the weather be a deterrent for getting outside and participating in activities similar to your daily summer routine.  Invest in quality rain gear, appropriate lighting, and reflective clothing and continue to enjoy that after dinner walk or fetch session with the dog.  Keep up with your social calendar and avoid becoming a winter hermit.  Planning a trip for mid to late winter may also provide the extra push to get through the darkest days.  Diet is also an important consideration when determining contributing factors to SAD.  Missing the Saturday Farmer's Market or being uncertain what to do with all those root vegetables may contribute to a decrease in your consumption of quality fresh food that fueled your body in summer months.  Consulting with a doctor or nutritionist can help in determining whether you're getting the necessary vitamins and nutrients in your regular diet.

Seasonal Affective Disorder should be taken seriously and those experiencing symptoms of SAD  should consult a doctor or mental health professional.

* Important Note: This blog is not intended to be a substitute for treatment by a mental health or medical professional.

It's the Quality of the Argument that Matters

Arguing apparently has a purpose–and it's a pretty critical one too!  According to researchers from the University of Virginia, arguing plays an important role in adolescent development, and if done right, has the potential to provide valuable skills for navigating peer pressure and tempting risky behavior.  To "just say no" takes practice, and home is the first line of defense to practice this skill.  Check out the article at npr.org here:

Why A Teen Who Talks Back May Have A Bright Future : Shots - Health Blog : NPR

What's an MFT?

Thanks for taking the time to check out the Port Townsend Family Therapy blog.  Please feel free send any feedback and comments my way.  For my first post, I thought it would be worth taking the time to respond to a question that I frequently get asked.  What does a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) do and why would someone choose to see a MFT over another mental health provider?  Keeping the many different types of mental health providers straight can be a challenge even amongst professionals working in the field, so there's no doubt that it can be incredibly confusing for someone making this difficult decision in their time of need.

According to the Washington State Department of Health, Marriage and Family Therapy refers to "the diagnosis and treatment of mental and emotional disorders, whether cognitive, affective, or behavioral, within the context of relationships, including marriage and family systems. Marriage and family therapy involves the professional application of psychotherapeutic and family systems theories and techniques in the delivery of services to individuals, couples, and families for the purpose of treating such diagnosed nervous and mental disorders." 

Still confused?  Me too the first time I read it.  The general idea is that MFTs are qualified to deal with a whole lot of issues in many different ways, and the issues are often going to be approached with a perspective of how your present and past relationships affect what's going on in the present day.  It's a holistic approach that looks at the entire person within the context of social, environmental, and cultural issues.  With that said, however, MFTs are skilled in a variety of different approaches and how each addresses a specific situation will depend on the preferred theoretical perspective(s) of the particular therapist as well as the perspectives, beliefs, and personality of each individual client.  One therapist's approach may resonate with one client and not the next.  This emphasizes the importance of "shopping around" for the right therapist.  Interview them over the phone or in person if possible.  Education is important but that gut feeling of, "is this someone I can trust?" is perhaps even more important.

To answer the next question, what's the difference between all the different mental health providers in Washington State?  For Master's level providers, Washington State licenses Marriage and Family Therapists, Mental Health Counselors, and Clinical Social Workers.  There are also Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners, Psychologists, and Psychiatrists to add to the puzzle.  Nurse Practitioners and Psychiatrists can prescribe medications (but I'll save that topic for another post).  Do the letters behind their name really matter?  In my opinion, the simple answer is not necessarily.  Do you click with your mental health provider?  Do you trust them?  Do you feel like they get you?  Most importantly, clients need to trust who they are seeing or the therapeutic relationship will be a constant battle of resistance.

Back to MFTs. . . when I completed graduate school, I could choose whether to apply to become a Licensed Mental Health Counselor or a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  The educational requirements were almost identical.  The experience I chose to apply towards my license was what differed.  MFTs in Washington are required to obtain 3,000 hours of supervised training prior to licensure.  Of that 3,000 hours, 500 need to be relational (i.e. families and couples).  MFTs are recognized in all 50 states and many of the state requirements match those of clinical membership into the American Association of Marriage & Family Therapy (AAMFT).  So while neither the state nor the AAMFT will guarantee quality, they do uphold stringent training requirements.  For answers to additional questions about Marriage and Family Therapy, the AAMFT website is a great resource or feel free to send me an email at craig@ptfamilytherapy.com