Nurtured Heart Approach® Class Coming Nov. 6

If you missed the previous post from a few weeks ago announcing the Nurtured Heart Approach® classes coming to the YMCA click here to learn more.   Here's all the information you need to sign up:

Defining Dad

This is a post that for me, an expecting dad within the month, is personal.  When my son was born a little over 4 years ago, I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of support our community of friends and family provided for this significant transition in our lives.  From birthing classes to baby shower, from lactation consultants to meal trains, we felt much love in our time of need.  What I soon discovered, however, was that my needs and my wife's needs were different.

As dads, biology necessitates that we experience pregnancy second hand.  It's both a blessing and a curse.  Our worst hangover, stomach bug, or food poisoning probably doesn't even touch months of morning sickness and exhaustion.  But we'll never know the feeling of those first perceptible flutters of movement in early pregnancy or the uniquely intense bond that only comes from sharing body and nourishment for over 9 months.  Dad's experience of pregnancy and early fatherhood is unavoidably different from mom's; thus, our role as new and expecting dad is going to be different as well.

What is dad's role anyways?  Learning your role as a new dad can be confusing and even stressful, and the micro-cultures in which we live each have uniquely different ideas and pressures on exactly what the modern dad should look like.  Are you the bread winner?  The stay at home dad?  Or do you and your partner share responsibilities equally?  Does your community and social network support the role you fill?  Does your personal definition of success match your new role?  Now that you've taken on this new role of dad, are you still nourishing your role as partner to your significant other?

For many dads, finding answers to these questions is a solo journey.  Support and resources catering to new dads are limited, yet postpartum depression, sleep deprivation, and relational conflict are equally relevant to both mom and dad.  Current research indicates that men may be equally as susceptible to postpartum depression as women, yet it often goes untreated.  This lack of treatment is partly due to a tendency of men being reluctant to talk about their problems and partly due to the limited availability of resources and misdiagnosis.  The fact remains, however, that male postpartum depression can be a major risk factors for failed relationships.

In support of dads, here's an online resource catering to new dads that doesn't  involve talking: postpartummen.com

For those more daring Port Townsend dads willing to talk, share, and lend support, I plan to start a dad support group in our community.  The group will be free and open to soon-to-be dads and dads within their first year of parenthood.  The trick is getting dads to show up.  So. . . dads AND moms, send me an email to craig@ptfamilytherapy.com if you'd like to be notified about the where and when of this group as it materializes.

Are Teen Brains Defective?

For the past several years neuroscience research has presented a growing adolescent brain–a brain not yet fully matured and, therefore, somewhat defective.  The underdeveloped prefrontal cortex (or rational brain) has steered teens toward a proclivity for impulsive high risk behaviors and poor judgement.  Most of us, having been adolescents ourselves, nod in agreement and let out a big sigh of relief that our teenage transgressions are perhaps excusable–a fault of nature–victims of evolution.  It's amazing we've managed to survive as a species!  New research, however, reveals something different–a teen brain with some positive attributes.

B. J. Casey, a neuroscientist at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York, shows evidence that the teenage brain is, in fact, capable of delaying gratification–that it's not as impulsive as once thought.  Read B. J. Casey's interview with NPR here.  Listen to the interview here:




Casey's research presents a brain that, when faced with high potential for reward, is capable of waiting.  In fact, her research might even suggest in some reward based circumstances, the teenage brain may be more capable of waiting than some adult brains.  Casey's research presents parents with something to think about when establishing a system of rewards and consequences.  Is a teenager more likely to make good choices when those choices are reinforced with rewards rather than punishment?  Makes sense to me.

Nurtured Heart Approach®

Nurtured Heart Approach® Training is right around the corner.  When you ask?  That's a really good question that I've been trying to find out.  What I do know is this. . . a class will be taught by Kimberley Montgomery through the Jefferson County YMCA.  It was scheduled to start October 23, but there doesn't seem to be anything about it on the YMCA website.  I talked to Kimberly, and it sounds like it is definitely going to happen, but there is some uncertainty about the start date given there doesn't appear to be any information floating around.

While we get to the bottom of when this amazing resource is going to happen, here's some info about the Nurtured Heart Approach® shared by the Children's Success Foundation:

The Nurtured Heart Approach® is a set of core methodologies originally developed for working with the most difficult children. It has become a powerful way of bringing inner wealth to all children while facilitating parenting and classroom success. It has a proven impact on every child, including those who are challenged behaviorally, socially and academically. The Nurtured Heart Approach has also been shown to create transformative changes in children diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder and other behavioral, emotional and anxiety related symptoms – almost always without the need for long-term mental health treatment. Even children experiencing social cognitive challenges, like Autism and Aspergers greatly benefit from the Approach, reducing the need for traditional mental health and medical interventions.


And here's Howard Glasser himself talking about his development of the Nurtured Heart Approach®

I'll post more information about this training as soon as I know more.

10/19  Here's the latest. . . it looks like the class will start on November 6 and will take place over the course of four sessions (Nov. 6, 13, 27, & Dec 4).  Cost is still unknown.  I'll post the flyer as soon as I get my hands on it.

What Matters Now: Enhancing Positive Emotions During the Grieving Process

I've been doing a fair amount of reading lately on loss and grief and recently came across this article by Camille Wortman, PhD on the This Emotional Life blog.  Wortman steers away from the negative emotions generally accepted with the 5 Stages of Loss and Grief (denial/isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) and draws attention to the positive emotions that often come with loss as well (gratitude, pride, hope, love...) and the importance these positive emotions play in our ability to cope.

What struck me most about this article was the positive reframe Wortman presents, "what matters to me now?"  What mattered before the loss is most likely very different from what matters now, and the process of identifying this shift may provide a renewed sense of purpose and joy.  For example, loss of a spouse may shift focus to being the best parent or grandparent you can be.  Or loss of a loved one may increase your desire to help prevent the same thing from happening to someone else (e.g. Mothers Against Drunk Driving or Team in Training).  Engaging in this new purpose may help increase positive emotions over time and even strengthen family relations.

Check out the full article here for more on increasing positive emotions during the grieving process.

Autumn Mindfulness Retreat

And this is why I think blogs can be such a powerful community resource!  After yesterday's post, a friend brought this mindfulness retreat to my attention.  Contact info is on the flyer.

Remember, if you have a local event, group, or class that you think might be relevant to the Port Townsend Family Therapy Community, please don't hesitate to send the information my way to craig@ptfamilytherapy.com.  This blog is approaching 300 readers and growing.  Thank you everyone for your support.

Mindfulness: A Practice in Decreasing Anxiety

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), anxiety disorders affect 40 million Americans annually.  Serving as an adaptive response to increase the likelihood of survival (i.e. fight or flight), the more we are exposed to anxiety producing situations the more efficient we become in triggering the response.  The brain senses "danger" and makes a calculated but swift chemical dump to prepare the body (through an increase in respiratory rate, heart rate, and blood pressure) to run for or lives or fight to the death.  Our brains may become sensitized to this response early in life through abuse or neglect or later in life through other traumatic situations.  This response is certainly a benefit when being chased by a pit bull but can be a disadvantage when faced with work/school deadlines, family/relationship stress, or financial challenges.  The more the response is triggered, the better we get at it.  Neural pathways adapt in ways not too unlike a well traveled trail.  Anxiety becomes the norm, and it may take great effort to take the "road less traveled."  Depending on the source of the anxiety and the individual's unique biopsychosocial history, treatment may vary but often involves some form of mindfulness practice.

Mindfulness is the practice of being in the present moment.  Removing oneself from influences of perceived stress and cognitive dysfunction and centering thoughts on the here and now.  The most common forms of mindful practice include meditation and breathing exercises but anything that essentially takes you out of your head can be considered mindfulness.  The more we practice it, the better we get.  Remember that well worn trail?  Practicing mindfulness, creates a new path, and the more we do it, the more worn and easier it becomes.  Think of it like learning a musical instrument or practicing a sport.  Really it's the same thing.

I learned one of my favorite mindfulness exercises when working as an environmental educator in Yosemite National Park.  At the time, I didn't really know the term mindfulness, but my goal was the same–have my students be more aware of their surrounding environment.  Here's the activity:

• Pick a comfortable spot (preferably outside)
• Take some time to write, draw, paint, or think the following (this is a great journal activity):
     - 5 things you see
     - 4 things you hear
     - 3 things you smell
     - 2 things you feel
     - 1 thing you know (I chose to avoid taste for fear of my students eating weird stuff)

And that's it.  It simply gets you to focus on what's right in front of you.  And you might be surprised at what you notice that you hadn't before.  Try to make a practice of doing this a few times a day, and you may find you start to get out of your head more easily each time.